Mr. Peanut Butter: The Spread That Owns Your Morning
Imagine a world where your toast doesn’t suck. Where your smoothie doesn’t taste like punishment.
Where your snacks actually keep you full. That world exists, and it’s called Mr. Peanut Butter.
This isn’t your grandma’s sad, oily peanut butter—this is the stuff dreams (and gains) are made of. Why settle for store-bought gloop when you can make it better, cheaper, and with zero weird additives? Let’s fix your peanut butter game forever.
Why Mr.
Peanut Butter Slaps So Hard
First, it’s stupidly simple. No chemistry degree required. Second, you control the texture—creamy, chunky, or somewhere in between.
Third, it’s cheaper than buying the “fancy” stuff, and guess what? It tastes better. Store-bought versions often add sugar, palm oil, or other nonsense.
Mr. Peanut Butter? Just peanuts (and whatever else you want to throw in).
Oh, and it’s versatile.
Spread it, bake with it, blend it into sauces, or eat it straight from the jar like a goblin. No judgment here.
Ingredients: The Shortest Shopping List Ever
- 2 cups roasted peanuts (unsalted or salted, your call)
- 1-2 tbsp honey or maple syrup (optional, for sweetness)
- 1-2 tbsp neutral oil (like coconut or avocado, if needed for texture)
- Pinch of salt (skip if using salted peanuts)
That’s it. Seriously.
If your ingredient list is longer than this, you’re overcomplicating life.
How to Make Mr. Peanut Butter: A No-Brainer Guide
- Blitz the peanuts. Toss them into a food processor. Process for 1 minute.
Scrape down the sides.
- Keep going. Process for another 2-3 minutes until it’s crumbly, then magically creamy. This is where patience pays off.
- Add extras. Drizzle in honey, oil, or salt if using. Process for another 30 seconds.
- Adjust. Too thick?
Add a splash of oil. Too thin? Congrats, you’ve invented peanut sauce.
Just add more peanuts.
- Store. Jar it up. Don’t eat it all in one sitting (or do, we’re not your boss).
Storage: Keep It Fresh, You Animal
Store Mr. Peanut Butter in an airtight jar at room temp for up to 2 weeks (if it lasts that long).
For longer shelf life, fridge it for up to 2 months. The oil might separate—just stir it back together. If it grows mold, you’ve done something very wrong.
Why This Recipe Wins at Life
No junk: You know exactly what’s in it.
No hydrogenated oils, no mystery sugars. Cheaper: Homemade costs half the price of premium brands. Customizable: Add cinnamon, cocoa, or even chili flakes if you’re feeling wild. Healthier: More protein, fewer preservatives, and all the good fats.
Common Mistakes (Don’t Be That Person)
- Using raw peanuts. Roasted = flavor. Raw = sadness.
- Quitting too soon. It’ll look dry and crumbly before it turns creamy. Trust the process.
- Over-oiling. Add oil sparingly—you can’t undo a greasy mess.
- Blending while impatient. Let the food processor do its job.
Go fold laundry or something.
Alternatives: Because Options Are Nice
Nut-free? Try sunflower seed butter. Extra crunchy? Pulse in chopped peanuts at the end. Vegan? Skip the honey and use maple syrup. Elvis fan? Mash in a banana. Okay, that last one’s weird, but you do you.
FAQs: Because People Overthink Peanut Butter
Can I use a blender instead of a food processor?
Technically yes, but you’ll hate your life. Blenders struggle with thick mixtures.
A food processor is the MVP here.
Why is my peanut butter not smooth?
You stopped too early. Keep processing. If your machine overheats, take a break, but don’t give up.
How do I make it sweeter?
Add more honey or syrup, but taste as you go.
You can always add, but you can’t un-add.
Can I use peanut butter powder?
No. That’s like trying to make orange juice from cardboard. Use real peanuts.
Final Thoughts
Mr.
Peanut Butter isn’t just a recipe—it’s a lifestyle upgrade. Once you go homemade, store-bought tastes like regret. It takes 10 minutes, costs pennies, and makes everything you eat better.
So why are you still reading? Go make it. Your toast is waiting.
